Hall of Fame Addtions / Dead Man Walking

A few weeks ago Sylverster Stallone was voted into the Boxing Hall of Fame for pretending to be a boxer. Literally, he was given the same boxing honor as Mohammed Ali. Don't even think about that twice, your brain will start forgetting crucial skills like reading, writing, and driving just to teach you a lesson. So I am accepting it, and in my acceptance I am creating a list of people I would like to see inducted into different Hall of Fames for pretending to be what those halls honor.

It should be noted ESPN Page 2 also had the same idea, I won't supply a link, it's easy enough to find and I don't think they have any problems creating web hits. So, screw you World Leader and your list of obvious candidates, I like my list better.

1. Michael J. Fox-Teen Wolf : Basketball Hall of Fame; Springfield, Massachusetts

The day Michael ummmm........ Scott Howard decided to embrace his curse and "wolf out" on the basketball court is a day that fans of the hardwood will never forget. Scott "The Wolf" Howard's game was not only flashy, but dynamic, paying above the rim while still hitting shots all over the floor. He led his once downtrodden Beavers high school basketball team all the way to the championship game. Their opponents?; the feared and respected Dragons. It was in that game that the real legend of Scott Howard came to be. Against his coaches wishes, Scott refused to wolf himself. Scott had to prove that he alone could win "the big game." In the final seconds of a heated contest Scott, sans the wolf, hit both free throws to win the championship! Michael J. Fox welcome the National Basketball Hall of Fame.

2. Dog-Air Bud: Volleyball Hall of Fame; Holyoke, Massachusetts

Not since Jim Thorpe have we seen such an athlete. Five films spanning the sports of basketball, football, soccer, baseball and beach volleyball. Regardless of being a straight to video release, Air Bud: Spikes Back, the last of the series, really saw this dog find his calling. I am of the opinion this is why the highly successful Air Bud series came to an end, there simply wasn't anywhere else to go. The Volleyball Hall of Fame is in the city that I now call home, Holyoke, Massachusetts. I am offering my services as the man........to introduce the dog .........to immortality.

3. W. Earl Brown Theres' Something About Mary: Baseball Hall of Fame; Cooperstown New York

Released during the height of the steroid era, W. Earl Brown's character Warren dared to ask the question, "Have you seen my baseball." The message was lost on many, mainly because people watching the flick didn't know whether to feel horribly for Warren or to laugh hysterically at the fact he clearly wasn't like the rest of us. What Warren was really asking was, "Have you seen my baseball?" The baseball of yesteryear, the days of large stadiums, 1$ bleacher seats, Americana, and all that other crap Ken Burns seems to defecate all over PBS every 5 years. Warren was one of the first to wave the red flag that the game was getting away from us. If only someone would have taken his inquiry seriously. Warren........welcome to Cooperstown........unnecessary earmuffs and all.

4. Ed O'Neill-Married With Children: Football Hall of Fame; Canton, Ohio

First of all let me say I love football. The Cleveland Browns literally have made me cry and although I can't confirm it, I have a feeling my negative reaction to a Steelers/Browns game in 2003 was the beginning of the end to a long term romantic relationship in college. So, this was a very hard choice.

Anyways, do I need to remind you of the man that scored FOUR touchdowns in a single game to win the city championship for Polk High! With an annoying wife, slutty daughter, and disappointing son, Al Bundy was every man. Slaving away in a shoe store, all Mr. Bundy had was his status as high school legend. He later took the leadership skills he learned on the field to form the organization No MA'AM, a group dedicated to stopping "women's progress." Supporter's of Title IX may disagree, but welcome to Canton Ed O'Neill

Oh..................one more thing.

Dead Man "gini" Walking -Hell yea that was clever

That would be a picture of Browns coach Eric Mangini celebrating a regional championship with the Kew Colts, a semi-pro team from Melbourne Australia that Mangini coached in between semesters attending Wesleyan college. Take note that Mangini appears to be employed in this picture. Something I think that will change after the Brown's season ends in 2 weeks.

Out of Control

I will continue to write only when I feel like it. I'm not going to force the issue as I see no point in writing garbage just to put something out.

1. Lebron is coming back to Cleveland and from what the media is telling me, the town is going to take out 46 years of getting it's ass kicked out on #6. Seriously, not since the East Coast/West Coast rap battle of the mid nineties have I seen the media actually seem to encourage someone doing something incredibly stupid and dangerous. All the normal suspects are at work, ESPN, Fox Sports, Yahoo Sports, Bloggers, and Twitter have all hit a level media insanity that I thought was only reserved for Presidents dying and terrorist attacks. Poor Rachel Nichols, I don't think the woman has slept in a month. Between Bret Favre and Lebron's return, Mrs. Nichols has that college finals-week look. The look that says, "Don't you dare f^&* with me, I've had nothing to eat but cheap coffee and cigarettes for 3 days now and I'm still not nearly done with whats in front of me."

2. As for my fellow Clevelanders, we feel just as entitled as Lebron. Lebron's entitlement is the result of a massive talent that hasn't been coached or critiqued since he was in high school. Cleveland's entitlement is jack-ass behavior as a result of being the victim of constant sports misery. This whole event is becoming a sad excuse for people to behave badly. The media, the fans, even Lebron........knucklehead antics all around.

3. What will happen Thursday night? I think something stupid and possibly dangerous. Too much booze, too much anger, and too many people too close to the court. As one fan put it on Cleveland radio, "People already got they bail money ready." When people feel they are entitled to act like morons, they will. From the moment Lebron made his "decision," this day was coming and Clevelanders were making plans.

4. How bad will it be? Bad enough that Cleveland will fall out of favor with the rest of the country. I think it will be so bad that the national feeling towards Lebron could change from hatred to sympathy.

5. What do you mean by bad enough? I think Lebron goes old school, takes over the game, and drops 45-50 on the Cavs in a runaway victory. If this happens and the game gets away from the Cavs, the arena will get away from security/law enforcement.

Took Some Time

My job in the summer is that of a holy war. No time to relent or you will die and die quickly. So I took some time off. It's not like I'm getting paid for this, and if I ever were I would still disappoint the hand that feeds.



1. Not mad at Lebron, not mad that he left, and I'm not mad about, "how he did it." Yes, normally you only see self gratification like that in the shower behind a locked bathroom door, but what did you expect? If you have that much freakish talent, you have a limited amount of time to maximize what has been given to you. When "it" starts to go, you will be bought and sold like a mutual fund. Why not play the world before the world plays you. Now is the time to be selfish, now is the time to take advantage, now is the time to go overboard. Spend the forty years after basketball reading to the the blind, building schools, and taking mission trips to God knows where. But for the next seven build the evil empire and run the table with your friends.



2. More Lebron...... If I hear one more of my fellow Clevelanders tell me, "It's not that he left it's how he did it," I'm gonna buy a Heat jersey and show up on that person's door step every time the Heat are on national television. Cleveland I know you and I love you. You are bitter, angry, and jaded, all of this before Lebron even left town. You would hate this guy no matter how he, "did it." I'm sure we will get over it and once again handle ourselves with the grace and integrity the nation expects from us.



3. If Brett Favre did what he has been accused of, then I wonder how many times sending a picture of his manhood to an unsuspecting lady worked. I have the over under at 10.



4. Week 5 sees the Cleveland Browns going into Pittsburgh with a third string rookie quarterback starting in his first game. I think I stumbled over head coach Eric Mangini's game plan on youtube today.



5. This is the last time I write about politics on here. The Tea Party is the kind of crazy mental health experts have no explanation for. Can't wait till they get elected and actually have to govern. "What do you mean an emotionally charged political rally won't solve the economic crisis? I don't think you get it, we're mad as hell and we're not gonna take it anymore..... I said mad!" Welcome to elected office, you actually have to legislate and become accountable to the people that elected you. Chalk boards and bullet point lists of general values worked well when I was in catholic grade school, but most of us have graduated.



6. Ohio State will loose two games this year and that should not be seen as a disappointment. The Big Ten is better and The Buckeye's biggest rival has a torpedo at QB who is one missed-tackle away from taking it to the house every time. Good thing Michigan apparently handed out scholarships to the University's intramural flag football champions to form this year's Wolverine defense. Glad the boys in "Cuffs N Cases" are getting their 15 minutes.



7. ESPN keeps putting Mark May on television and I keep breaking remote controls over my knee.



8. I've changed my mind; I now put the over/under success rate on Brett Favre electronically delivering his package to an unsuspecting lady at 17.



9. At this point the Indians need to have another 10 cent beer night. They owe it to the fans and to the city. I never thought the movie Major League would actually become reality. "Bottoms up JoBo."



10. Gumpy sports writers hate blogs. Grumpy sports writers hate grumpy umpires that don't want replay in baseball. Grumpy sports writers are right 50% of the grumpy time.

Celtics vs. Cavs Game 2 Blog

20:18 - Cavs looks tight and unfocused in first few minutes. Pierce has five points and the Cavs have hit one shot. Shaq looks absolutely awful missing three shots and allowing Kendrick freaking Perkins to hit an uncontested basket. Celtics always look better than the Cavs early in the game. If the Cavs can hang around and drop the hammer late in the game, I think they will be ok. Cavs fans continue to tighten up any time the Celtics have success. Have some faith, wait I don't.

20:29- Anthony Parker has hit two 3's! Lebron has not scored. The biased, Boston-based media has taken shots at Lebron's supporting cast. Antawan Jamison and Anthony Parker are responsible for 12 of the Cavs first 15 points. Both players were not on the 2008 Cavs team that lost to the Celtics in seven games. That was two years ago, or wait let me speak your language; "a wicked-long-time" in basketball years. The 2008 Celtics aren't walking through that door folks.

20:31 Rasheed Wallace finally scored for the Celtics. That is note-worthy, moving on.....Oh no he hit a three as well, and now he got a rebound! More anxiety from Cavs fans, it's clinical at this point, we're all suffering from acute sports bi-polar disorder... too much baggage.

20:40 First quarter ends with Rajon Rondo draining a three. Difference in the quarter? Seven turnovers by the Celtics. Besides that, the Cetlics look good offensive and the Cavs are hanging in. Again, that is key to beating the Celtics, hanging in during the first half and breaking them down, when they break down; the second half.

20:44 Cavs down 9 looking embarrassingly bad. If Rasheed keeps hitting threes (he's hit 2) then the Cavs are done for. Wallace hits another shot and the Cavs are down 13 in a matter of one minute. Big Polar Cavs fandom now reaches suicide watch.

20:51 Cavs score 6 unanswered and Celtic coach Doc Rivers wants to talk it over. Bi Polar Cavs fandom reaches a mania stage, smiles, rainbows, and Cadberry Egg good feelings run throughout the Q. Sheed still frightens me, the Celtics signed him to seal the deal and if he can somehow finally prove his worth, this series is already over. On queue, Sheed hits his third three, Celts up 10.

20:55 Sheed's three is answered by a Shaq hook shot, this game just hit an "old-big men trying to get one more championship stretch."

21:01 Boston is fouling a ton. I like it, older players getting beat up when they already fall down in the second half. Feel free to quicken the process, Cavs down 2 and more importantly "hanging-in" early. Bi-Polar Cavs fandom has turned into a play by play of emotion, it's hillar-----sad.

21:07 Rondo is killing the Cavs, but the Celts are only up five. That tells you who the better team is. I'm starting to the think the Cavs will win this series, as for the Bi Polar Cavs fandom, not sure we will survive. By the way, 14 personal fouls for Boston, only 4 for Cleveland....keep that going please. (Update: in a matter of one minute that total is 17 for Boston)

21:16 Celtics can't miss from three point range, Rasheed Wallace does more than he has done all season, and Boston is only up 4 at the half? Not good for the Cryptics.

Going to watch the second half not write anything until after the game. I don't this turn into a Bill Simmons novel......errrr......column.

22:47 Blind rage is the only thing I can say about my feelings during the second half. I turned the game off after I threw a cup across the room, scared my saint of a girlfriend, and started running a blood pressure level that will one day no-doubt kill me.

Lebron is clearly hurt and my prediction of the Cavs hanging in went to s^&^! I think the Cavs are the better team, but they can't handle the intensity of the playoffs. They NEEDED to get the first two at home, now Boston has home court advantage. My new prediction 4-1 Boston. I can't see the delicate group of friends that is the Cavs recovering from this, they are too mentally weak.

I am not going to write about the Cavs unless they move on. I am not going to watch the games. I hope they win, but I am no longer emotionally invested, no "championship" caliber team should loose like this. In my mind they are dead.

Keep Em Coming

Can't stay away, this has become a nice distraction from other, more stressful aspects of my life, so here is some more. I just got back from a day in Battleboro, Vermont. It took me a little more than three years, but I finally have stepped foot in every New England state, my favorite; Connecticut. Why?, because it's where I catch a plane to get the hell out of here.

So, Lebron tells us his elbow injury isn't a big deal. To quote Tommy Boy, "I'm not buying it, next thing you know change is missing from your drawer and your daughters' knocked up, I've seen it a million times." And I have seen it a million times, star athletes playing through pain and not being able to do what they normally do to win games. Paging Phillip Rivers in the 2007 AFC championship game.

If the Cavs do win a championship this year, everything is lining up for a dramatic story. Not only will Lebron be fighting an apparent nagging elbow injury on his shooting arm, but he will have to beat that last two teams that eliminated him from the playoffs in the last two years. Boston this round, and most likely Orlando in the Eastern Conference Finals.

To be honest, I'm not sold they can beat Boston. That team is still loaded despite their age and the Cletics have a clear advantage in the point guard match up. Rajon Rondo is beyond better than Mo Williams, its almost hilarious when you think about it. I am dubbing it "The Real Deal" vs. "The Deal." "The Deal" is a reference to Cavs GM Danny Ferry basically getting Mo Williams for literally absolutely nothing in a trade with the Bucks. The only catch, apparently Mo does ABSOLUTELY nothing in big games.

I will say this about Celtics vs. Cavs, there will be a fight. Doc Rivers will tell his team to go after Lebron's elbow, they're a veteran team, this is what veteran's do when they reach a certain age; they play dirty. I'll be honest I haven't wanted a Cleveland sports team to beat another team this badly since the Browns couldn't put away the Denver Broncos in three different AFC championship games. New England has had an embarrassment of riches over the last decade and we come to find out two of those teams "allegedly" may have been cheating. I hope there is a fight in this series and I hope we beat them badly, in both the skirmish and the series. Last year the Sawwwwwx were swept in ALDS and the Patriots were blown-out by the Ravens in the first round of the NFL playoffs. If the Celtics we're destroyed on the court and "in the ring" it would be the sports equivalent of social justice. Combine all three early exits and one could say it's Divine intervention. Yes, God hates New England =)

Ah, you're probably thinking my hatred for the Celtics is unhealthy. It is, but I don't have the time to sort that out, so I am going with it.......and it feels good!

Cavs Forth Quarter

Gonna blog the fourth quarter. I went to the gym, when I left the gym we were up 7, now we're up 2. So I thought my ramblings maybe negative enough to be interesting.

10:03 Shaq turns the ball over after Brad Miller fouls him twice. Miller jawing at refs, dragged to bench running his mouth like a drunk after last call. The Q is dead, wake up Cleveland you probably don't have to work in the morning. Don't know what is with Cleveland fan these days, they're rowdy for a 5-11 Browns team, but seem scared to get behind a real contender. Most likely the result of being kicked square in the nuts over the years. I get enough hot girls turn you down, when one really digs you, your defense mechanism goes up.

10:13 Derek Rose hits what should have been a three point play, but the refs call it off. Amazing shot, amazing play, it means nothing. Bulls answer the poor call by violating the 24 second shot clock. Oh, and Reggie Miller may have been the greatest clutch shooter of all time, but someone should hide his microphone, just an awful commentator.

10:16 Lebron James drives and hits a ridiculous lay up, is fouled, and hits a free throw. On the other end, the Bulls continue to out-work the Cavs on the boards and get an offensive put-back. Whats next, why of course, Mo Williams misses a three. A fan grabs the ball and stands up like he's going to throw the ball in for Chicago, sit down 4 drink guy.

10:18 Delonte West hits a huge three. However, Chicago continues to get second shot chances on the offensive end. If this "effort" by the Cavs persists against Boston's big three in the next round, they won't win a game. Lebron is struggling, wonder if he'll pull a Lebron-Against-the-World offense to seal this one. Derek Rose has been more impressive tonight, Chicago should win based on his offense alone.

10:23 It's like my last paragraph was a pre-courser, Cavs up three, Lebron drives hits a lay-up, is fouled, and misses the free throw. James then blocks Rose, which results in a missed Delonte West three. For some reason Chicago's offense rebounding is counter-balanced by their awful free throw shooting, it's the difference in the game. Cavs up 4.

10:25 Mo Williams fouled and I have to say the Cavs are getting all the calls tonight. Brad Miller fouled out, Noah and Gibson have four. James grabs a defensive rebound and Antawan Jamison drains a huge three. Cavs starting to pull away, anyone else think the Cavs may be tied in this series without Jamision? Two 20+ point games, this is a good sign, as the Cavs did not have this contribution last year. Oh, and Lebron James is quietly approaching a triple double.

10:31 Another defensive rebound for Cleveland, but the Cavs turn it over. This is the behavior that will cause them to loose a series against Boston or Orlando. Protect the damn ball. James squares up and misses a three, Cavs up seven. Andy grabs a foul off the rebound and now the Cavs are up 5, two minutes left. Jamison is called for a charge, it would have counted too, Andy took a great pass from him and dunked it.

10:34. Cavs up three, Chicago putting their head down and Mo Williams is still sucking. The Cavs foul AGAIN, Delonte West this time! Cavs are crapping out big-time and my heart rate is approaching a casket-ready pace. Can't stand it when Cleveland teams, pull a Cleveland. Garbage play in the last two minutes! Championship teams seal the deal, they don't make the game interesting! Cleveland should be smoking these fools and flicking them in the street.

10:40 Rose misses a shot that almost goes in, again. Cavs fans still suck, as does Mo Williams who misses yet another shot. If it weren't for Noah knocking the ball out of bounds, Chicago woud be in a really good place. By the way, Derek Rose's amazing "and 1" play that was called off, is the difference in the score. Cavs up three with 37.4 left.

10:43 Cavs royally screw up, terrible, horrible, nonsense possession that results in a Cleveland turn-over. You can thank Andy, and the Bulls defending Lebron perfectly. Even though they knock 17 seconds off the clock, Bulls have the ball with 17 seconds left, only down three. Bulls out-play Cleveland for the third time this series, the so-called talent differential is the only reason the Cavs will most likely move on. Again, I can't say this enough, not good enough to even win a game against Boston with this effort.

10:46 Derek Roses misses a shot and Lebron is fouled with 7.8 left. Lebron hits one shot, but guess what he is clearly INJURED. He shoots the second shot LEFT HANDED because his right-arm is hurting him. In the huddle Lebron in pain, I don't care who wins this game. If that arm isn't right its over, over for this year and the future.

10:49 Cavs fans still dead even though the Cavs win and they should be. This is a funeral, for the entire franchise if Lebron has seriously hurt his arm. We may have out-Cleveland ourselves tonight folks.

More Stuff

On a non-sports related note, the television show Glee is a piping hot, cup of trash juice that needs to be eliminated. If you enjoy bad actors breaking into song and dance for no apparent reason, I would look under your sink and find anything with the words; mop, glow, pine, all-purpose, or bubbles and pound it down. If you survive, let it be a reminder that you need to find a new path. I suggest the the entire Nirvana catalog.

The Cavs will not win a championship. Even with a seriously upgraded team, they still run a Lebron against the world offense. The Cavs shouldn't need Lebron to drop 4o points to beat Chicago at home, even if the Bulls played a flawless game. I need this team to prove to me that they can beat the best in a seven game playoff series. Until then I still like the Mavricks to win the NBA championship, they look to good right now.

The Cleveland Browns schedule was released today. My take is 6-9-1.

-6 apologies to close friends

-9 fits of uncontrollable rage

-1 glimmer of hope (remember, new overtime rules only apply in the playoffs)


My experiment of following the Red Sox this summer instead of the Indians is turning into Billy Madison pulling his dirty boot out of a bucket of dry ice. The Indians won four straight, two of the victories saw the starting pitchers throwin complete games. The Red Sox have lost 4 straight and the so-called best pitching staff in baseball has gotten shelled. Doesn't surprise me, the year I moved to New England, the Cavs went to the NBA Finals, the Browns went 10-6, and the Indians were one game away from going to the World Series. However, I still feel good about my decsion to jump ship for the 2010 baseball season, why? Well, the Cavs got swept in those finals, the Browns missed the playoffs, and the Indians lost the ALCS in seven games to.......The Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaawx.


Looks like my fantasy football team name "No Means No Ben" will be appropriate for yet another season. Steelers star quarterback Ben Roethlisberger now has an many Super Bowl rings as sexual assault accusations. The most recent incident happened in the bathroom of a Georgia night club. Brother Ben, I also enjoyed The Wrestler, but that was fiction buddy, not the real deal. You are an NFL quarterback, you want to "hit it" in a night club bathroom, buy the night club. Good thing Steeler WR Santonio Holmes got traded for bad behavior, he was clearly the "real" problem.



I have to hand it to ESPN. Between their 30 for 30 series and John Gruden's segements interviewing the top four quarterbacks in the NFL draft, ESPN has become must see tv. Ten or so years ago, I couldn't stomach the "World's Leader in Sports Entertainment." The network took seasoned and respected sports journalists like Bob Ryan and payed them to be talking head-bafoons on programs like Around The Horn and Pardon The Interruption. Their expecation; take 10,000 word, well crafted columns and turn them into 10 second soundbytes. However, I have enjoyed thier programming this year more than ever. I recomend DVRing 30 for 30 and hitting http://www.espn.com/ for the Gruden segments.



This all leads me to my last point. Americans can sniff out bull s&*$ from ten miles away. I find it ironic that what is brining people back to the "The World's Leader......." isn't the degregation of well-known and well respected journalists. What is brining people back is real story-telling and third-wall dropping segments. Americans dig honesty, in the words of John Lennon, "say what you mean, mean what you say, and put a backbeat to it." In other words, be genuine and create a way for people to easily digest it.